Create Ideal Families


Men JerksFather doesn't mean to get into male bashing like our culture does, but he is wrong in creating a movement that thinks its leaders are the real heads of UC families. Leaders call themselves "reverend" and arrogantly think they can usurp the position of brothers who should be the absolute heads of their house. Men are not as bad as women make them out to be in our feminist culture. The prevailing notion is that men are bad and women are good. There is a book out titled Men are Jerks. The author says she is teaching women to be more critical of men who are mostly wolves in sheep's clothing. She says her book is not male bashing but it is. Women, to her, are simply victims and men are mean-spirited and selfish. This is an example of the confusion in the Last Days. Here is a woman who dishes out advice on relationships and has no relationship with a man in her life. She has an ex-husband and lots of former boyfriends she has slept with. Want to listen to advice? Read people who have successfully built a loving marriage. Those books will not bash men.

The following are quotes from Father's speech that I see as his true heart and thought. After that are quotes from Helen Andelin's Fascinating Womanhood that sound much like Father and she goes into more detail on how to actualize these values. Father is right in saying that there are some traditions and values that the Orient has that are laws of the universe. It is not Moon's agenda, Andelin's agenda, or Godwin's agenda. These values are politically incorrect in and out of the UC, but they are timeless truths anyway. Father is clear that true love and romantic love cannot happen unless there is order. One of the interesting things he does in the speech I will quote from is tie in the concept of how conservatives are more vertical and correct than the liberals. America is too horizontal. This is why it is so liberal and why the Democrats and Liberals are so popular with women. Women should not be in leadership because they are not made to be leaders. Father is clear that men and women have equal value but they are opposite and should live by old-fashioned virtues. When he says Orient, he could also have said Victorian America. Only in the 20th century have Americans become so confused and out of order about men/women relationships.

Father says in "The Way To Grow" (August 30, 1987):


In politics, the conservative viewpoint is more vertical, while the liberals are more horizontal. More focus needs to be placed on the vertical relationship. Being more temporal, the horizontal should receive less emphasis than the vertical. Given this definition of conservatism and liberalism, which would you prefer, and why? You would prefer conservatism because it stresses tradition and connects past and future. Fashion is short-lived, isn't it? The very word fashion implies a short duration. In a similar way, what is considered liberal changes from time to time. In which direction are American young people headed today? Which do you think will endure? The liberal side lasts for only one season. If it is autumn, liberals work only for the autumn, not concerned about any other season. If it is spring, liberals care merely for spring. But if you are going to like any season, the only thing that makes sense is to love all four seasons.


What is the predominant philosophy of democracy? It is conservatism, while materialism or communism promotes the liberal philosophy. The conservative, vertical side emphasizes the spiritual nature, while the liberal side does not value the spiritual nature and stresses the material world. This is an oversimplification, but it is still true. If we were to make a choice between the two, we would prefer conservatism.


Here am I in the United States, where liberals are trying to chase out the conservatives. Liberals are often beneficial in promoting a materialistic or communist culture. I say, "We don't need that." God is of a spiritual nature, so God is not with them. We use the term "spiritualism" to mean that which is opposed to materialism. It is obvious why materialism is closely connected with Satan and spiritualism with God; spiritualism is of God because God is spirit, and materialism is of Satan.


Men and women have opposite characteristics and personalities. They are 180 degrees different. You realize that, don't you? Men and women are as unlike as the north and south poles. When man and woman stand side by side, man is in the easterly position, because that is where the sun rises and begins to shine, and the woman is in the west. Actually, you can look very carefully without finding a true way to harmonize these two extremes. Nothing seems to work. The man will say, "You must come to me," and the woman will retaliate, "No, you must come to me." Is there an automatic power that impels a man or woman to go to the other? Do you find a power within you urging you to go to your spouse? What is the only power that can make one go to the other? True love.


Even if husband and wife hate each other, which they shouldn't, still they love their children. Even though the parents get a divorce, each wants the children. Why? It is because of vertical love. Separation may occur along the horizontal line, but never along the vertical line. Parents and children are eternally one. That bond can never be broken.


Happy FamilyHere is an example of the Oriental way of doing things. National and world affairs are considered very important, and an Oriental man is not allowed to consult with his wife, or any woman, about them. He can consult his son about such things, however, because the father/son relationship has a vertical dimension. When the man turns, his son turns on the same axis. In contrast, women revolve along the perimeter; they are more apt to change their minds, and they are less consistent. Apparently, embedded in women's original nature is a greater possibility for change. If a woman turns around too fast, however, she may spin right off! A man may revolve like a top and never spin off because he turns right at the axis. Therefore, according to Oriental thought' in a traditional household the man can bring up important matters with his son, but not with his wife or any of the women in his household.


Neither Western nor Eastern women understand how it works, but the difference is that the Korean woman accepts and obeys if the man says, "Let us be alone." Even though she does not understand clearly why she has to go away while her son is allowed to be present, she obeys. Because she has heard a lot about this tradition, the Korean woman will obey and go out while the father and son discuss serious matters. If this happened here in the United States, the woman would immediately retaliate, "What do you mean? You are discriminating against me." She would feel that if her husband has a problem he should certainly let her know.


Once you talk to a woman, however, there are no secrets. Is the United States a more feminine or more masculine country? It is more feminine because all its secrets leak out. The original nature and God's intention is for man to maintain the vertical axis. I cannot help it. This is not just my saying, but it is the principle of the universe. The vertical axis is one and not two. Man and woman cannot both be the center.


God has hold of the upper end of the axis and Adam holds the other, defining a sphere. That is how God designed the center of the universe. According to the Principle, God has dual nature and He is the masculine subject. Why is God not the feminine subject? Because there cannot be two axes at the center. God is the upper axis holder and Adam is the lower axis holder. There is only one point, and that point can never be held by two persons.


The final decision in a household is up to the man, even though the woman may discuss it with him. The man may consider her opinion, but he makes the final decision. Even though he may go through the mother to disclose the decision, the father makes the decision. The mother may implement the decision, but the decision is the father's. The mother cannot directly pass on the inheritance to the sons or daughters, because the father is the axis.


In the United States people do not care about the natural order of things. They are at best confused. They do not know who should make the decisions or why. I am emphasizing this because there are blessed couples here. We have our own blessed families, and this is the heavenly law. The man must manage national affairs, and the woman can manage the home.


If a man and woman divide and each occupies a position, where should the woman be? The man's organ is positioned to give and the woman's to receive. Even in the act of love, we should keep that position, the man up and the woman down. Otherwise, she cannot receive. This is the principled view; it is physical law and natural law. This biological law governs all the cosmos, without exception.


I am trying to point out here that the whole Korean custom is closer to the way of Principle.


Oriental history is much, much longer than American history. Korean history goes back 5,000 years-less than China, but longer than Japan, which claims only 2,600 years. All this history carries a rigid discipline and tradition. I was born out of that culture in these historic last days. My country has all that tradition stored up. Americans think variation is normal and they can change in a relatively short time span, from year to year or even day to day. Orientals do not change so much because of their long tradition.


You need to develop a consciousness of tradition. For instance, the first time you enter a room each day, you should smile at your family members, but in a distinct order. First you smile at your father, expressing love and respect; then you smile at your mother; and finally at your wife. You don't smile at your wife and talk to her first, ignoring your father and mother until later. Americans do not even think of such things, do you? You think, "Just you and me. We don't need our parents. We don't need children until we have planned for them." But such attitudes have no place. God cannot dwell in such families.



In Fascinating Womanhood Mrs. Andelin gives many excellent angles to explain why a woman should live by the Oriental values Father talked about in the previous quotes from the speech given in 1987. In that speech Father talked also about the thrill of romantic love every couple should experience. Mrs. Andelin does the same in her book saying that true romance can only happen in traditional marriages. When women leave their post and compete with men in the marketplace they cannot find true love and total happiness in their marriage. At the beginning of her book she tells the romantic story about one of the most beautiful buildings in the world -- the Taj Mahal.


Shah Jahan's Love for Mumtaz

In the city of Agra in northern India is the Taj Mahal, an exquisite tomb of white marble, built by Shah laban in memory of his wife, Mumtaz. Although it was built in the seventeenth century, it is still one of the most beautiful buildings in the world and the most costly tomb in existence. It stands as a monument of man's true love of woman. In describing the shah's love for Mumtaz, I quote from Three Wise Men of the East, by Elizabeth Bisland:

"The young Indian ruler found in this Persian girl the realization of all his high dreams and imaginings. So closely were their lives interlaced, so supremely does she appear to have been his inspiration, that it is necessary to imagine one profile next to the other. And in a poet's words the Shah's feelings are expressed: 

"He preferred in his heart
The least ringlet that curled
Down her exquisite neck
To the throne of the world."

"In Taj Mahalthe culture of his day, practically no restraint existed either in law or public opinion to control the desires regarding Mogul emperor... he was absolutely free to take women where he would and use them as he willed; yet never that Shah Jahan gave his wife a rival. He had wives, but these were political marriages, not love matches."

The shah also built for his wife a magnificent palace of white marble, probably the most perfect dwelling place in the world at that time. It was exquisite, with light passing through delicate carvings of marble almost like lace, and superb mosaics of birds and flowers in precious stones. Here, indeed, the emperor created a work of art in making a home for his beloved. And above the rich columns holding up the ceiling in beautiful Persian script in pure gold is the famous inscription, "If there is heaven on earth, it is this, it is this, it is this."  

Mumtaz died at birth of their fourteenth child. From an old Persian manuscript is the following account: "When the emperor learned that she was to die, he wept bitterly because of the great love he bore her, and one would have said that the stars fell in heaven and the rain upon the earth. Such lamentation arose in the palace that one would have said the Day of Judgment had arrived. The emperor, weeping and striking his breast, repeated the words of the poet Saadi, 'God will not rest in the hands of a prodigal nor patience in the heart of a lover more than water in a sieve' But grief stirred his genius to its supreme accomplishment. He resolved that upon the grave of his beloved should be laid love's perfect crown.

"The great buildings of the world have been monuments of the pomp and pride of kings, or temples to gods, or records of rich and haughty cities. But he, in the beauty of white marble, for the first time gave utterance to man' s true love of woman. Not physical desire, but the mating of spirit with spirit. No pains were spared to bring to perfection the last dwelling place of his beloved Queen. Twenty thousand laborers toiled upon it for seventeen years."  

And take note of this thought: Mumtaz was of a culture where women were subservient, dependent, and kept their place in the feminine world. It was not a culture where women dominated, demanded, and tried to be equal with men. And yet she gained what every true woman seeks -- respect, honor, and the devoted love of her husband. Shah Jahan gave to her the greatest token of love a man has ever given to a woman in the Taj Mahal. We may well ask ourselves, are we worthy of such love and devotion from our husband? Where is our Taj Mahal?


The following quotes are a few of her wonderful insights on patriarchy:

The Leader

A man needs to function, feel needed, and excel
women in his role as the guide, or leader.

The father is the head, president, or spokesman of the family. He was appointed by God to this position, as clearly stated in the Holy Scriptures. The first commandment given to mankind was given to the woman, "Thy desire shall be unto thy husband and he shall rule over thee." Evidently our Creator felt it so vitally important that the woman understand this, that He directed the instruction to her.

The Apostle Paul compared man's leadership of his wife to Christ's leadership of the church. "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." He also instructed women to reverence their husbands and to submit themselves to their husbands. The Apostle Peter said, "Ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands." (Genesis 3: 16, Ep11.5:23-24,33, Col.3:18, I Pet.3:l)

There is also a logical reason why the man should lead: Any organization, to have a smooth-running system, must have a leader -- a president, captain, supervisor, director, or chief. This is a matter of law and order. The family, a small group of people, must be organized to avoid chaos. It doesn't matter how large or small the family; even though it be just man and wife, there must be a leader to maintain order.

But why should the man lead? Why not the woman? Using logic again, a man is by nature and temperament a born leader, who tends to be decisive and have the courage of his convictions. A woman, on the other hand, tends to vacillate. An even more sound reason for the man to lead is that he earns the living. If he must work diligently to provide the living, he needs jurisdiction over his life to do so. Women and children can more easily adapt. The final say rightfully belongs to the breadwinner.

There is a great effort now to do away with the patriarchy and replace it with equality, in which the husband and wife make decisions by mutual agreement. Although this idea may sound good on the surface, it is impractical and unworkable. Some decisions can be reached by mutual agreement but many others cannot. A man and wife may never agree on some issues. When a decision must he made, someone must take the lead.

Mutual agreements may take time, hours of deliberation. There isn't always time. Some decisions in daily living must be made quickly. For example, "Should Jane take her umbrella and walk to school in the rain, or should her father take her?" When the father makes the decision, matters are settled at once. And whether Jane gets her feet wet or not is not as important as order in the household. But, keeping the man at the head of the family isn't mainly a question of logic. It is a matter of following God's instruction, which like all other commands is for a wise purpose.

Rights of the Guide or Leader

1. To Determine Family Rules: When a family is organized, rules for living must be established such as rules of conduct, care of the house, table manners, expenditure of money, social behavior, and use of the family car. Family members may help shape these rules. A prudent father may hold a family council, to get their ideas. He may delegate considerable authority to his wife to establish rules of the household, since she more closely supervises this area. But, since he is the head of the house, he has the right to the final say.

A family is not a democracy, where everyone casts his vote. The family is a theocracy, where the father's word is law. In the home the presiding authority is always vested in the father, and in all home affairs and family matters, no other authority is paramount. This arrangement is not arbitrary or unfair. lt's a matter of law and order in the Kingdom of God.

You may tend to claim jurisdiction over your children, since you have given them life and are in charge of their daily care. You may feel the right to determine discipline, instruction, religious affiliation, and other important things. If yon clash with your husband on these matters, you may feel an inalienable right to the final say. This is not so. Although you have the sacred responsibility of motherhood, you are not their leader. Your husband is the shepherd of his flock and in full command.

2. To Make Decisions: The father also has the right to make final decisions on matters which relate to his personal life, his work, and his family. In an ordinary family many decisions must be made daily. Some of these are minor, such as whether to take the dog on a picnic or leave him home. But even though such a decision is small, it must be made, and often quickly. When the husband and wife don't agree, someone must decide. The final say belongs to the father.

Major decisions must also he made. The man may be faced with decisions about his work, such as whether to enlarge his business, make investments, change occupations, or move to a new community. These plans may mean a cutback in expenses or other adjustments. If a man is wise, he will first talk things over with his wife, to get her ideas and win her cooperation.

It is interesting to note that in the account of Jacob in the Bible, after he had worked for his father-in-law for many years, the Lord said to him, "Return to the land of thy fathers and I will be with thee." But, although he had this instruction from God, he first called Rachel and Leah into the field and talked with them to win their support. After he had explained his situation Rachel and Leah answered, "Whatsoever God hath said unto thee, do." He now had their support. This is what he needed to go in peace. (Genesis 31) You may want to read this passage to your husband. It may encourage him to seek your viewpoint and support more often.

Sometimes a man may seek his wife's support but is reluctant to explain his reasons. He may think she lacks the business knowledge to understand. Or, he may be unable to justify his plans or explain his reasons. He may be guided solely by inspiration. If this is the case, don't probe too deeply. His strong feelings are likely a better guide than his reasons.

In marriage, the man and woman are not like a team of horses which pull together equally. They are like a bow and cord, as Longfellow described in his poem, "Hiawatha":


As unto the bow the cord is,

So unto man is woman;

Tho' she bends him, she obeys him;

Tho' she draws him, yet she follows;

Useless each without the other.


Role of the Wife in Leadership

Although your husband is the undisputed head of the family, you have an important part to play in his leadership. Yours is a submissive role, a supporting role, and sometimes an active role in which you express yourself clearly and even strongly. Your support is essential to him, and your ideas sometimes invaluable, if given in the right way. Much rests on his shoulders. He has a family to lead and decisions to make, some of them highly important. He alone will be responsible for these decisions, regardless of the outcome. Your understanding, support, and even your ideas may be all important to him.

Mumtaz, lady of the Taj Mahal, played an important part in her husband's leadership, even in governing his country. Daughter of the prime minister, she was well educated, highly intelligent, and had a worthy character. The shah consulted her in many of his decisions, even technical matters of government. There was no doubt about her subtle influence in his life, but she did it with such art that her husband felt not the slightest threat to his position as the supreme ruler of India. And the world at large had no knowledge of her contribution. This womanly art is taught in this chapter.

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